There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
