Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
