cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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