How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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