Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
