Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
