I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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