it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
