it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
