i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
