the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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