Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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