the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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