i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
