I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we're so committed to being not committed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
