Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
