Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
