The maid of honor just puked.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
