my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it was like eating out sand paper
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
