Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
