this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
