So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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