paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
