Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
