Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
