I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
