we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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