sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
