I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
