If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Actions speak louder than pants.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
