We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
