i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
