That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
