yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
