We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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