If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
