and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
