At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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