T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
