i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
