I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
