Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
