i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
