Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
