Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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