these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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