I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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