Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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