I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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