Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
