I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
