Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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