she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
