Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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