Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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